When we last saw our heroes, all hope seemed to have been lost, with the Bat-Go-Cart demolished, and Batspork gone…

Grouse awakens the next day, still in the remnants of the Bat-Go-Cart, to find Batspork missing. He immediately starts running to town, to head to the police station.

The moment he arrives, he asks to see Commissioner Gregson in his office. As he rushes in to the commissioner’s office, he blurts, “Batspork was kidnapped, the Bat-Go-Cart was totaled, and I need to borrow a phone in private!”

Startled by this sudden rush of foul news, Gregson mutters, “A phone- of course,” and gestures towards his phone. He then steps out of the room to absorb the news.

As the door closes, Richie dials the number to Walls Manor. The phone rings three times, when Hennery answers.

“Walls Manor, this is Hennery Lincoln, with whom am I speaking?” are his words.

“Hennery, it’s Richie. Geoff’s been kidnapped, and our ride was destroyed. I need you to put of the first costume you can find and pick me up in the Bat-Hot-Air-Balloon. Hurry!” Richie urgently says.

“Right away master Green,” Hennery says, before hanging up the phone.

Shortly afterward, Richie spots the balloon from the roof of the police building. When it gets above the building, a rope ladder falls from it and he climbs up into it. Upon entering the basket, he finds Hennery dressed as the mad hatter from Alice in Wonderland.

“What sort of costume is that?” he asks.

Hennery says, “The first one I could find.”

Meanwhile, in the prop house of the abandoned Emoswine Movie Lot, Batspork slowly begins to regain consciousness. As everything comes into focus, he notices a plastic spork in a white suit. The spork is also wearing a pair of white rabbit ears and holding a pocket-watch.

The spork in the suit walks towards Batspork, and says, “Oh, my dear bat-spork-dork, I’m awfully late, you know.”

What sort of sinister plot could he have in mind for Batspork? Does Grouse have more reasons to worry about this than we realize? The answer to these questions and more next week — same Spork-time, same Spork-url!

Quote: “Soup’s done”

Name: Hennery Lincoln

Gender: Knife

Race: Plastic

Bio: Hennery Lincoln has been the butler for the Walls family for many years, and, in fact, the job has been passed down generation by generation in his family. It seems as though this elderly knife way be the last Lincoln to serve as butler for the Walls family, for he has no children or relatives. When Geoff’s parents died, Hennery served as a father figure for the poor boy, and when young Richie joined the family, Hennery was his father when Geoff was busy fighting crime. He is also a great chef, gardener, nurse, and card player.

Quote: (No quote available)

Name: Wally Russ

Gender: Spork

Race: Metal

The Carpenter

Quote: (No quote available)

Names: Carl Penter

Gender: Spork

Race: Metal

Bio: Once a common thug, Wally Russ got Hector Nickle to help him and his figurative brother, Carl Penter, rob a chemical factory. Thanks to a horrible accident, Hector became The Mime, and swore revenge on Wall and Carl for leaving him with Batspork. He got it by rendering them mute. They were sent to Columnswine Asylum in hopes of being cured. They were soon broken out by Jeremy Teach, in need of henchmen, and took the aliases “The Walrus and the Carpenter” from “Alice Through the Looking Glass” They now go back and forth as henchmen for various different villains, each time, hoping to be cured of their muteness.

When we last saw our heroes, a freak was created, a clue was found, and things were about to get a lot quieter…

They drive up to the abandoned toy building where the sporks were arrested, and enter. Investigating, Grouse opens a Jack-In-The-Box, when a gas sprays out into his face, and a Jack of Diamonds falls out.

Immediately, he yells, “Batspork! Come over he-” His voice then stops.

“Grouse?” calls Batspork, “Grouse! What is it? What happened?”

Grouse motions opening the Jack-In-The-Box. Then shows Batspork the card, and tries to symbolize the motion of gas spring out of the box with his hands.

Not knowing what Grouse it trying to tell him, Batspork guesses, “The Jack-In-The-Box tried to eat you? No? Um… it hit you in the face? No? Uh… it hugged your face? Not it either? Ah ha, a foul, green, gas sprayed out of the box, into your face, and caused your voice to, literally, disappear!”

Grouse nods it agreement, and gestures towards the card with a questioning look on his face.

“Because of the gas, that may be a valuable clue, but first, we need to take you to the Bat-Cavern and see if we can find a cure for the affliction caused by said gas,” says Batspork.

Upon arrival to the Bat-Cavern, the duo is greeted by their butler, Hennery. Batspork tells him what had happened to Grouse, and proceeds to hook Richie up to various machines. Hennery suggests chicken soup, and heads upstairs to make some.

“I don’t get it; the machinery says that you’re perfectly healthy. Maybe it’s time we take a look at that card, see if it can be of any help to us. Look up everything you can on the Jack of Diamonds, Grouse; I’ll be testing the card for trace amounts of the gas that did this to you,” says Batspork.

After a few minutes, Batspork finds absolutely no foreign gas of the card. Suddenly, he hears Grouse tapping his hand on the table. Batspork listens and realizes the Grouse is tapping Morse code for “I found something.”

Batspork runs to the computer and Grouse points at a list of the traditional names of the face cards on the screen. Geoff immediately looks at the Jack of Diamonds, and sees the name “Hector.”

He makes the connection immediately and says, “Hector Nickle! He must have done this. Wait a second, I just remembered; I put a tracking device on him as we took him to the hospital. Come on Richie, we’ve got a Jack to catch.”

Just as the Bat-Go-Cart speeds down its tunnel, Hennery walks into the cave saying, “Soup’s done,” then, noticing that they’ve left, “oh, bother, now it’ll be cold by the time they return. Their loss,” he shrugs, sits the soup down on a table, and goes back upstairs.

Following the tracking device, Batspork and Grouse end up at an abandoned mime school. They enter, and suddenly hear a loud bang from all around them. They then see, walking out of a dark corner of the room, Hector. He holds up a sign that says, “Hello, spork-dork, you fell for my trap.”

Batspork rushes towards him, and crashes into a glass wall. Hector holds up a different sign that says, “Nuh, uh, uh. You trapped in a glass box, and will soon be just as mute as be and your little sidekick there.” Hector points towards grouse and hold up another sign that reads, “Oh, and by the way, call me ‘The Mime’”

Suddenly a green gas sprays out of the top of the glass box, and wafts down towards out heroes. Hector raises yet another sign that says, “You could get the antidote of course; if you’ll bring me 20,000 dollars by midnight tomorrow.” He waves a vile back and forth in his other hand.

Batspork shakes his head and presses a button. Suddenly, the police rush in, hand-cuff the Mime, grab the antidote, break the glass box, and give Batspork and Grouse the antidote. Unfortunately there is only enough for our heroes, and the two sporks shall have to remain mute until a cure can be created.

“Holly back-up plan, Batspork! That was close!” Grouse says as they drive back towards the Bat-Cavern.

“It wasn’t a back-up plan, it was my plan from the get-go. Hey, we’re getting a fax. Read it,” says Batspork.

After skimming it, Grouse says, “Somebody broke out of Columnswine Asylum, and they may be coming for you. The escapee is Jer-”

Grouse is cut off when a car appears out of nowhere and crashes into the Bat-Go-Cart. Both Batspork and Grouse black out.

Grouse awakens the next day, still in the remnants of the Bat-Go-Cart, to find Batspork missing. He immediately starts running to town, to head to the police station.

What will happen to with our fearless hero kidnapped? Will Grouse be able to find him?!?

Find out next week — same Spork-time, same Spork-url!

Quote: “Gggggoooo Bbbbbaaaccckkk”

Name: Wallace Jim

Gender: Knife

Race: Unknown

Bio: His mother unknown to him, Wallace was raised by his father, Creg Jim. He was born green and scaly, and forced to fend for himself when his father was arrested for the murder of Geoff and Rachel Walls. He moved to the Emoswine wetlands, and lived with the alligator population. Eventually poachers killed off all of his “brethren” and he was on his own yet again.

Quote: (No quote available)

Name: Hector Nickle

Gender: Spoon

Race: Plastic

Bio: A failing comedian, Hector Nickle found himself hard pressed for money, so, when he met two shifty-looking sporks offering him a large amount of money, he accepted. Later that turned out to be the worst mistake of his life, for they got him to help break into the Jack Chemical Plant. Whilst looting the money, one of the sporks rubbed against the metal tank, generating a spark. The plant burst into flames. The way Hector remembers it, Batspork pushed him into the chemicals, but in truth, he just slipped. The flaming chemicals changed his appearance, and rendered him mute. He now speaks with signs.

Quote: “We’ll be right on it, Commissioner”

Name: Geoff Walls II

Gender: Spork

Race: Plastic

Bio: Young Geoff Walls II watched his parents get murdered. That sight scared his life forever; he then swore that he would never let that happen to anyone else. Disguising himself as a bat, Geoff began prowling the streets of Emoswine at night in search of criminal scum. Now, with the aid of his sidekick, Grouse, and the Emoswine police force, Batspork is feared by criminals everywhere.

Wallace replied, calmly at first, “Yes, yes, and,” then noticing Batspork’s last words, “Wait, WHAT! You mean to tell me that my dad killed your parents, the only people that my dad every killed were Mr. and Mrs. Walls, so you’re Geoff Walls II. Does this mean I KNOW WHO THE BATSPORK IS, ITS!?!”

Geoff, just noticing his slip-up, quickly replies, “No, not at all. None of that’s true. It was all just a mix-up of words, nothing else, nothing important.”

Gruesome Gator smugly replies “Prove it.”

Thinking fast, Batspork says, “Ok, Grouse, come with me. We’ve got a phone call to make,” and with that, he walks out of the interrogation room.

A little while later, Batspork comes back into the room, “There’s somebody here, but they’re not here to see you¸ Wallace, they’re here to talk to commissioner Gregson about you. Look at the window.”

Gator does so, and sees, on the frosted window, the silhouettes of a spoon and a spork. He hears the two speaking, and quickly realizes that the spoon is the commissioner, and after a little while he figures out that the spork is Geoff Walls II.

Partially convinced, but still a little suspicious, Gator says to Batspork, “Ok, you have me convinced, for now.”

“Holly puppetry, Batspork. That was close,” Grouse says, as they head back to the Bat-Cavern.

“Yes it was; it’s a good thing that I know ventriloquism, and that you’re a master of shadow puppetry, or else we would have been found out. The Bat-Fax! We’re getting a fax; quickly, read it.”

After skimming the fax, Grouse summarizes it as, “There was a break-in at the Jack chemical Plant, and now it’s on fire. One of the culprits has been identified as Hector Nickel, a failing comedian. The other two culprits have yet to be identified.

The moment the duo of courageous cutlery arrive, they run into the chemical plant, and find Hector, a plastic spoon, and two short chubby metal sporks. After being spooked Hector trips into a vat of the chemicals and at the very moment he crashes into the toxic pool a spark ignites the tank.

Immediately, Batspork shoots a grappling hook into the vat and pulls Hector out of the burning pool. Hector had morphed, his eyes blackened, the area around his mouth melted into a black frown and his entirely covered in black stripes.

“We need to get this spoon to the hospital at once!” declares Batspork.

“What about the others?” asks Grouse.

“No time,” was the spork’s reply.

Hector opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

Back in the Bat-Cavern, our heroes have just dropped Hector off at the hospital when they see the Bat-sign on the computer. Batspork hits a button and Commissioner Gregson shows up and says, “Hector has escaped from the hospital, and his accomplices have been found. It seems as though they are mute. We need you two to check out the location of their arrest.”

“We’ll be right on it, Commissioner,” Batspork says.

They drive up to the abandoned toy building where the sporks were arrested, and enter. Investigating, Grouse opens a Jack-In-The-Box, when gas sprays into his face, and a Jack of Diamonds falls out.

Immediately, he yells, “Batspork! Come over he-” His voice then stops.

Will our hero get his voice back? What does the Jack of Diamonds have to do with this? What happened to Hector? The answer to these questions and more next week!

Tune in next week — same Spork-time, same Spork-url!

Quote: “Oh, my dear bat-spork-dork, I’m awfully late, you know”

Name: Jeremy Teach

Gender: Spork

Race: Plastic

Bio: Jeremy Teach grew up living a perfect life with a perfect family; he expected everything in life to work out like a fairytale. One day he met a girl named Alice, and fell madly in love with her. He was convinced that he was to be her prince charming, but was horribly shocked when she rejected him. He then did the only natural thing to do, kidnap her. She was eventually rescued by Batspork, and, taking the alias, “The White Rabbit” from Alice In Wonderland, Jeremy swore vengeance against Batspork.

Alternate Universe: Batspork Begins!

I guess I should start at the beginning, how it all got started.

In a galaxy far far away… Okay I am only kidding. It was a quiet night in the sleepy town of Atwater, CA. The setting is a local fast food restaurant. My lawyers say I can’t go into too much detail about the location but I can say they serve tacos and have a bell in their logo. Any way back to the story.

There I lay in my cellophane wrapper stacked in a grey holding cell on top of my brothers and sisters waiting to be used and discarded. When a mysterious man in a black hat and long leather coat walked by and snatched me up along with two of my brothers. read more…